Month: October 2020

The Baking Show Life

Posted on by E Murphy

It’s finally happening. 

I’m wearing PANTS and SOCKS and LONG SLEEVES, and I am comfortable doing it (sometimes)! Glorious open window weather, I have missed you.  

This fall brings a unique characteristic to it: reopening. I have been lucky in the pandemic in that my job continued as usual-ish. I maintained my fulltime work and pay and even had the added bonus of being able to telework for a while. Recently I went back to my pre-pandemic office schedule. This worries me. 

As my blog shows, I have a lot of interests to find time for. When life inevitably ramps back up, I have to protect my creative time. I am good at not working past the hours allotted, but there’s more to it. My commute removes about 5 hours from my free time each week. Not to mention that work breaks, when I am able to take them, are limited to what I have available. I’m not dragging my baking ingredients with me to the office. Although the image of someone strolling up and seeing me kneading dough across my desk is pretty priceless. 

My boss recently joked about expecting me to come in one day and say I am going part time to pursue my artistic interests. My response? “…………..” See, I have become a bit disillusioned with the work until you break style of the American Dream. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m lucky in this country and in my job. But I have also looked up all the other countries I’d be lucky to live in that have averages of 28-35 hours of work per week. 

Have you watched The Great British Baking Show? (First of all, if you have not, stop reading this immediately and go become a happier person. Second of all, they quarantined together to make the current season possible, and I want with my whole being to live in that tent right now.) It is a competition for home bakers. The contestants are introduced by their job, their family life, and one major hobby in addition to baking. That is what I want out of life. 

Now, this is not to say that I hate my job. I’m one of the lucky ones who actually loves the work I do. But if money and sociocultural expectations were not a factor, I’d probably work half as much and half as hard. Time to do the work I love and time to do the other things I love too. Opportunity to give and opportunity to be rejuvenated. 

Survival Guide 

I knew the transition back to working in the office would be hard and I like to be prepared, so I started my “how to survive COVID19 reopening” guide just a month into teleworking. Here is what I came up with: 

  • Wake up early so I have 60min for activities before work 
    • I’m a morning person. Do you know how frustrating it is to expel ALL your best energy on work? Waking up earlier was a struggle at first but very worth it. 
  • Take my breaks. And take them away from my desk (otherwise, bye bye break). Keep some realistic creative options available: 
    • Sketchbook I can take on walks to my favorite workplace spots 
    • My journal to brainstorm ideas 
    • Search online for new songs, recipes, craft ideas, etc. to learn 
    • Walk around – my primo brainstorming activity 
    • Talk to someone about fun, creative things (and NOT about work!) 
  • Use the drive home to decompress NOT to road rage 
    • I have yet to find a satisfying use of this time other than listening to the radio and shifting out of work mode. For me personally, when I try to use it for a creative purpose, it always ends up feeling like a compromise because driving limits how I would want to be creative. For now, I’ve decided not to compromise and just jam out and maybe sneak in an audiobook or two.  
  • Have multiple weekly protected times for creativity (like art / music classes) 
  • When the husband plays videogames, spend at least some of that time without the TV on so I’ll be forced to find an alternative way to entertain myself 
  • Actually USE my vacation time 

Check-In and Adjust 

I’m writing this blog, so obviously I have mastered all of these things. Ha, I’m funny.  

Pretty quickly I learned that it’s not about figuring out the perfect schedule. Once I figured out a schedule, it just needed changing. Instead, I believe it is about finding the best way to check in with yourself so you pay attention to how you are doing and can readjust when you need to. Below are my favorite ways right now for doing this: 

  • Daylio is an app that pops up on my phone twice a day and forces me to pay attention to how I’m feeling and how I’m spending my time. You can also look at your data across time to look at larger patterns. (Google Play Store + Apple Store)

  • I also like visuals; they are quick yet powerful. Below is a visual I adapted from The Artist’s Way which talks about a Life Pie – I adapted it to be a creativity pie of sorts. The further out from the center of the circle, the more satisfied you are with that area. I really like this visual because you can review a number of areas all at once to help you consider how to shift or maintain your time and energy. 

 

What is “enough”? 

A friend asked me a great question when I voiced my concern about having enough time for each of my many interests. They asked, “How do you know what is enough?” 

After a long pause to consider the question, my answer was the quintessential psychologist response: It depends. 

I bake less often than I write which is fine. I write less often than I garden which is not fine. I craft periodically and I do music regularly. These are personal gauges, not a map for every person. When I track how I spend my time, I am not trying to look for specific timestamps or accomplishments per say, I am paying attention to my internal sense of satisfaction about my growth and engagement. Overall, am I satisfied and content with how I have spent my time? 

That is what I have chosen to be my marker for “enough”. 

Patience

Posted on by E Murphy

Patience sucks.  

Waiting for the right time of year for a project. Waiting to plant the seedlings or buy the plants until there is a place to grow them. Waiting for the sourdough starter to rise. Waiting to taste the food I made before saying it will taste like crap. Waiting until I’m over 75% through a painting or drawing before telling my art teacher it’s crap. Waiting until I’ve practiced a song more than a few times before…thinking it’s crap.  

Hm. Seeing a theme. 

I cannot count how many times I have almost given up on a drawing or painting because of how terrible the work-in-progress looked. Most of the time, you know what my art teacher says? “Keep going! This is how it’s supposed to look right now.” Bleh. 

Not to sound like I’m bragging, but I tend to be good at things pretty quickly. I sometimes wonder if, despite the obvious benefits, this has set me up to really struggle with being patient enough to get the most out of the creativity process. 

#NoFilter 

Now don’t get me wrong, I have had plenty of projects not work out. In fact, I’m currently realizing I’ll have to re-cardboard and mulch a whole section of my native garden bed because I didn’t get it right the first time and annoying little grass babies are popping up everywhere. But I have also had plenty of things that I knew weren’t working out that did. You won’t know which is which unless you allow yourself to be open to the failures. In fact, you often won’t even make it to the successes without the failures. 

Expecting perfection from the start is a recipe for creative disaster. It’s the Catch-22. We often lose focus on the fact that the only way to actually fail at creativity is to refuse to allow ourselves to fail. But man is it hard to say, “Woo! Let’s do it! Failure? I LOVE failure! Gimme some failure!”  

In the interest of encouraging others to embrace the ugly side of creating, I am going to show you the progression of my first charcoal portrait. With each step, I’ll also give you a peek inside my mind at the time. 

“OK, this isn’t so scary.” 

“Ooooooo, clothes and hair are actually really fun!” 

“Wait. What the @$&(%, I’m further along. How does it look less like him than when I started?!” 

“%^&@%^# piece of %#*, I’m going to throw you in the %#^ @&#*% trash – UGH! It’s the $^(*# North. Winter is coming. Jon Snow doesn’t really need lips, does he? They’ll just freeze off anyway.” 

“Guess he’s looking OK. My teacher was right, the beard does make a big difference! …Lips still suck…I just won’t look at them.” 

“Hm. Don’t think his hair is going to look right in the picture. But at least it looks kind of like him!” 

“Sweet, got the hang of the hair.” 

 

“Whoa, it looks like Jon Snow! But…maybe only I think it looks like Jon Snow…” Proceeds to show it to a few people who think it looks like Jon Snow. “HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK WHAT I DID!” 

Let me tell you, this portrait was quite the rollercoaster ride, but it was very, very worth it in the end. If I had stopped halfway through, things would have never come back around. You know what else is cool? In going through my different art pictures to find what to use for this post, I got to see how even the steps I went through to get to an end portrait changed and improved moving on from this first one.

Don’t Give Up 

Still not entirely convinced? Let’s go even uglier. Here is an art project that “failed”. 

 

Clearly, I felt real good about this one. I got SO mad and took it out on the painting – I loved how the background of this painting was looking and then just destroyed it when trying to paint in some flowers. Honestly, this is likely a big reason why I have so many unfinished projects lying around. The fear of messing it up. 

As much as I’d love to avoid sharing this one, it’s one of the most important. This is when I stepped back and decided that I was not allowed to get mad at myself for struggling with art when I had not taken an art class in 20 years. That was the day I finally registered for my adult art class where I had the success I showed above. 

That bread that looks too flat? Often still tastes great. (Is it too hard? No such thing – make it into croutons or bread pudding!) 

That chord you can’t get right? Smooths out with time if you practice. 

That part you wrote that you don’t like? Will get you to the best parts later. 

That plant you’ve killed 4 times? You learned something each time that will help with the next plant. (Damn you, lavender, I shall get you to grow someday!) 

Don’t be fooled by what sounds like this incredibly mature adult before you. I am terrible at this. I yell, I snap, I sulk, heck I even consider throwing things. OK, maybe I’ve thrown a few things. But it’s always wimpy stuff like wads of paper and guitar picks. Then I pause, take a few deep breaths, maybe I take a break for a bit, and then I do the next step. I’m often not happy about it in the moment. I often think it’s a waste of time. Later, I’m always glad that I did it. 

So this was all my long-winded way of saying…Keep going – you got this! (And try not to throw anything.) 

Audrey II

Posted on by E Murphy

 

I have a friend I’d like you to meet. She can be an acquired taste. Sometimes a bit messy. To be honest, she can smell a little off if you don’t feed her. Despite all of that, she has become really popular. 

Meet Audrey II, my sourdough starter! (Any Little Shop of Horrors fans out there?) 

Before COVID19, us diehard sourdough baking enthusiasts were already out there. Funnily enough, it seemed that I found a small grouping of sourdough people at every party I went to. Once I got into it, people started coming out of the woodwork. 

I’ve made many different things, but some of the highlights have been varying breads including hot dog buns and pita bread, focaccia, biscuits, pancakes, bread pudding, cinnamon rolls, pasta… 

Now I’m hungry. 

Where to Start

There are a number of bakeries helping people with starter kits – now that this is an option, I definitely recommend it. So many people have asked my trick for sourdough starters because some of their homemade ones have gone funky after some time. Easy – get it from someone else. I went to a great pasta and cider tasting at Texas Keeper Cidery where the chef handed out starters in a to-go bag. It’s been over a year now and my starter keeps chugging along. 

If you want added information on baking with sourdough and Google isn’t cutting it, I started with this and thought it was great at explaining the process without getting too much in the weeds: 

Artisan Sourdough Made Simple by Emilie Raffa  

A really cool exploration into sourdough baking as a lifestyle (yes, this sounds over the top; yes, you should want this for yourself) comes from another book. Warning – this one requires more brain power from you to put the recipe details together, but it does a great job of tempting you into this slower paced way of life. I now use this book for the base of my mainstay bread recipe. 

Tartine Bread by Chad Robertson  

If you have a starter and it is growing out of control, make sourdough crackers (you’re welcome) – I use fresh herbs from the garden. These crackers are so yummy and don’t require the time to bake that breads do. Also, don’t ask me how but, they last way longer than you’d think before getting stale. 

Sourdough Crackers Recipe

Sourdough as a Lifestyle

Sourdough as a lifestyle, you say? 

Sounds a bit much, don’t you think? 

Not at all. I am a firm believer that we should all be living the sourdough bread baker life. 

I am a sucker for what I refer to as Depression Era hobbies. This is my way of saying that I enjoy doing things that remove the middlemen and allow me to fully appreciate a product from start to finish. 

Sourdough is a great example. Take bread, something that is nearly instantaneously accessible in our modern world due to retail companies. Sourdough baking takes it back to its roots. (Or if that’s too rich for your blood, find yourself a local bakery to frequent!) 

Sourdough forces you to pay attention to the fundamental mechanics of baking. It’s about spacing your bake out into smaller amounts of time across 1-3 days, adapting your actions based on what you see happening to the starter and dough. Sure, that can sound really intimidating off the bat, but most books and/or recipes will help you chart this out while you get used to the process. It does not take much longer or more focus than ‘instant’ baking, it just spans a longer swatch of time. Personally, I find it relaxing and enjoy weaving the process throughout my other activities.  

The usual process looks something like this: 

  • Feed sourdough starter every 1-2 days (it is a yeast that you feed water and flour) 
  • Once it has risen the starter can be used in recipes OR wait until it has fallen if the recipe calls for unfed starter – there should be at least a little starter leftover 
  • Feed the leftover starter  
  • Feed every 1-2 days OR put in refrigerator until a few days before next bake 

If it hadn’t been for that fateful day when a chef literally handed me a starter, I may have never tried sourdough baking. It seemed like more work than it was worth. But now that I have my starter, it is a nice ritual that I enjoy incorporating into everyday life. 

Consistently, the message with sourdough is to slow down. Don’t get too distracted. Don’t forget to pay attention and track your progress. Rather than a specific timeframe for each step, you have to watch and adapt. As someone who loves being given crisp, clear directions, I hated this part initially. But eventually you start being able to gauge how long you should wait for the next step based on the temperature in your house and the look of your starter or dough. There’s an odd peace that comes with cultivating that skillset. 

Anyone out there trying to use mindfulness more in your day-to-day practices? This is one of the yummiest ways you can accomplish that. 

One Last Tip

I couldn’t talk about Audrey II without mentioning one important thing. Do yourself a favor, bread bakers or whole loaf purchasers. Buy. A. Real. Bread. Knife. 

Seriously. 

Go.  

Do it now. 

Your bread can slice like butter. It can be cut without smooshing the loaf underneath the weight of your overbearing hand. You don’t have to eat the giant heel of bread all at once. Trust me, this one simple change is pure magic. 

Whelp, time to go bake. 

Overcoming the Guilt

Posted on by E Murphy

 

How does the saying go? I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

COVID19 has stripped away a lot of the everyday distractions and yet the worst parts of our world can’t seem to be stopped. Mother Nature still destroys homes, POC are still killed for reasons undeserving of death, people on minimum wage (which does not cover the bills) have to risk exposure to a deadly disease or lose their jobs, people are losing businesses and jobs through no fault of their own, and some people who I refuse to name are threatening (again) to send our country into a tailspin.  

For me, this results in some major guilt. Specifically, the guilt of having the opportunity to free myself from those realities through creativity. 

Often, I can work through the guilt, but the current nature of things makes it harder. There are just so many people struggling so profoundly, and I am not. The guilt freezes my hand midair as I reach for my guitar. It weighs me down when I try to bake or draw. It catches in my throat and shades everything in dark gray shades of despair.  

For the record, guilt is necessary so we will change the world for the better. But man, how do you manage guilt that highlights the need to change the world?  

I don’t have answers. Below is merely a string of observations about what helps me continue my creative path through some difficult territory. 

Creativity does not require privilege 

First and foremost, the assumption that my privilege gives me more opportunities for creativity than other people is a rather simplified view of the world. It’s like saying someone without sight sees the world less than I do. Sure, if you want to get technical, that is true for vision. But the human body is amazing – there is more than one way to see and experience the world around us; the body and mind will adapt to allow for whole new experiences we never realized was possible. It is not my place to diminish the creative processes of those without my specific abilities or privileges. 

Don’t get me wrong, money helps. Having connections helps. Not being seen as someone “less than” helps. Living in a system built for who you are helps. But it does not make creativity possible. In fact, creativity without struggle is often like hiking without a path. “Yay, nature! But…where am I?” 

If I could snap my fingers and make all suffering go away I would do it yesterday. But if suffering has to exist, and for now it does, creativity is one of the best biproducts we could ask for. I suppose this is all to say that I choose to focus on enhancing everyone’s paths to being creative rather than hindering my own. 

What’s your excuse? 

With the most recent onslaught of awful news, gardening came to the rescue. Here’s how my brain works. Cooking, baking, gardening…these are easier things to initiate because I “must” do them. After all, a girl’s gotta eat.  

It helps alleviate the guilt to know that if I don’t water the garden it’ll die. (Except the blackberry vine. I didn’t water that thing for like 4 months while it was still in a small pot, and it was still alive! Indestructible.) This is the “excuse” I gave myself so I could be, you know, human. Some other examples that I’ve seen people use… Calling creative pursuits ‘self-care’ instead of ‘hobbies’. Using creativity to contribute to the household so it is viewed as productive. Working creativity into a date night or hang out activity.  

Now, if you want to be really ahead of the curve, you can start battling the larger hurdle: Why do I even need an excuse to be human? (Whoa.) 

You are not the cheese, so do not stand alone 

The farmer in the dell 
The farmer in the dell 
Hi-ho, the derry-o 
The farmer in the dell 

… 

The cheese stands alone 
The cheese stands alone 
Hi-ho, the derry-o 
The cheese stands alone 

Aside from the fact that I now realize I have absolutely no idea what that song is about, you are not the blue cheese that, despite being so delicious, is too stinky to be around. The first thing I want to do when I see the news is to curl into a ball in the darkest corner of my house, stuff my face with said cheese, and never come out. You may have the same visceral reaction. If you need a moment, take it. But please, come back out of your hidey hole. Or at least let someone curl up in that ball with you. 

Trying creative pursuits outside of my norm has been my recent favorite for connecting to others while simultaneously propelling my creativity through the guilt to something constructive. A local comic bookstore offered to help customers identify graphic novels highlighting Black communities. (I bought a few that I loved and have now expanded my scope to Asian and Asian American communities.) I am in a virtual guitar class and the teacher incorporated multiple Latin-x songs in our current class because she had noticed a lack of inclusion in her natural music preferences. I am following local artists from a variety of backgrounds in order to better understand the place I live. 

It is becoming easier and easier to access the art of people whose works have previously been hidden or hindered. Go out and find it! Or, even better, find and support the artists themselves!